Celebrations...Parties...
I am really not good in celebrations. I don't like to be the center of attention. It really brings a lot of old and painful memories, because we are quite a big family plus my father is somewhat I think not interested in celebrating our birthdays other than searching for ways on how he could drink a bottle of beer or liquor for that matter. I really don't like parties I am not good at associating myself with people, not to mention I just want to be in the room and read some books, watched television, daydreaming when will my father stop drinking & listening to music as long as I am not surrounded with people. Weird as you may think but that is how we were brought up.
A few weeks ago my former students tried to convince me that they will celebrate my birthday I keep on laughing, jokingly and seriously replied a big NO. No there's no way I would celebrate my birthday. I know my husband understands my apprehensions but he wants me to say yes. So I said yes but I thought I will find a way to stop it later.
Celebrations brings back sad, traumatic, and unpleasant memories to me. As I mention before that there were no celebrations that my father was not drank and not to mention wild and not beating my mother to death. Celebrations gives him a lot of reasons to drink and a lot of reasons to beat my mother. I even remember one time when my father poke a gun at my mother when I was 7, I could not quite understand why my father do that to her very own wife in front of her children.
I know a lot of people don't understand me why I don't like parties and celebrations but maybe to people who have the same experiences like mine would understand that it's not easy growing up and raised by people with addiction. My father is an alcoholic and chain smoker at that.Life was not easy and it's never easy to erase it in my mind in just a blink. I have forgiven him. What else would I do? As they say children cannot choose who there parents will be so I have to accept it. I have no choice. But I am left with a choice to move on and learn from the experiences.
I hope they will understand, I am quite old already to be afraid, well my father died a few years back and of course my mother went ahead of him, which I questioned God at that time why He have to take my mother first. Why not my father who has caused us a lot of misery. I know that there is no way my father would come back to destroy any occasion that we would celebrate (that would be funny) but the memories still haunts me up to these days. I am really skeptical to celebrate my birthday but for once I have to get over it and agree to celebrate it but of course simply and with few people only.
I really could not explain my feelings right now as I write this I wanted to text my students that they will not anymore celebrate it or I could just sink or vanished into thin air but no. I have to face this or else I grow old with being addicted to my fear, for me to be free from this I have to face it for once and be free from addiction too.
How do you free yourself from addiction?
Prisoners of sin
Paul said, "You my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature.."
What to expect
God won't force you to stop doing what's wrong when you say this prayer. Rather, He will give you the mental and emotional strength to refuse to act on temptation. There is no addiction that's too strong for God's power to overcome.
The Price God Paid
It's important to understand that victory over addiction didn't come cheap. God paid a heavy price to deliver us from slavery to sin.
Your Response
When we realize that He truly set us free from our sins and addictions, that with His help victory really is possible, we'll want to obey His laws the rest of our lives.
Though very difficult but whatever the temptation that has kept me in slavery to sin and addiction I ask God to give me the power to say no. For sometime hiding from those painful past gave me unpleasant memories and along the way I have form the addiction of hiding to people whenever I can but I have to overcome it.I know that He will help me overcome my fear.
What is alcoholism?
alcoholism: habitual intoxication; prolonged and excessive intake of alcoholic drinks leading to a breakdown in health and an addiction to alcohol ...
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